Love Eclipsed (Letter to an Old Flame)

Dearly Beloved,

Remember the door that opened, that moment we first met?
The joy, the anticipation, the hours that rolled into days and weeks and months neither could surely forget?
The passion, the laughter, the exhilaration, the wonder of it all.
The mountains and valleys we climbed and traversed – none too big nor too small?
The memories, the depth of love beyond human comprehension, a cosmic love divined by God above,
A gift, a blessing, the fiery luminosity of His eternal, devoted love.
The dancing around each other, the deepening, the portals of consciousness opened through intimacy, pleasure and pain,

The healing and magic as we dived and spiraled yet deeper and deeper again and again.
Remember the moment you stood beside me as we stared out across the vast, ocean blue,
The timeless moment where with eyes filled with tears of gratitude, at that moment I knew.

That you were my Beloved, my forever person, the one I’d always love growing old together,
Journeying through life’s storms and birth and death and all sorts of rain and wind and wild, cosmic weather.
How many moments have we wept and prayed, humbled by the magnitude and grace of heaven’s favour and love,
Gifted infinitely as we soared into the skies, swooping and diving like the branch-bearing dove.
Those places we visited – those magical, sacred lands just for two,

Vistas and caverns and magical realities merging together, being with you.

Remember the promises, the longing, the heart-murmuring of a love that could not be denied,
An expanse of the cosmos realised in gentle seas flowing between grateful eyes.
Remember the heart-shattering moments, the cataclysmic ones, when everything fell apart?
Those moments walking into the sacred fire, re-birthed under phoenix wings and forced again to start.

Letting go of everything, as the steely blade of life into our love did slice.
As the agendas of others prized open the cracks, the wounds, those places for which our hearts would pay the heaviest price.
The healing, the tears. The fixing and mending, the forging of the blade of truth,
The deepening and unraveling of a love undenied as we returned to the conditioned patterns of innocent youth.
The diving and excavating, the stillness and silence, the healing balm of Divine Mother’s cosmic embrace,
The holding of everything and nothing; the beauty of the timeless, shapeless, gaze without a face.
The entering into the cosmos penetrated fully, split wide open to God above.
What more could there be than the holiest of holies sanctified by His everlasting love?
The numbing despair, the death, the wailing grief of deepest loss, sacred knocking at our door,
Who knew that such agonies could be felt in the cellular whole of this body vehicle that could bear the raging fires no more.
Remember the care and devotion, the gifts of grace and God-consciousness flowing through and through,
The sensual pleasures of a love-making King that manifest through the gift and grace of you.
Remember those timeless moments captured somewhere now in the Akashic records, for all who dare to know.
That love is what you reap and you surely reap what it is you sow.
For a love that is not tended to, nor protected and honoured cannot blossom to a rose garden with fragrant perfume.
But instead strewn on the coffin of bodies that turn ashes to ashes into the crematorium fire and consumed.
Remember the meeting, the longings, the whispers, the devotion and dreams we both once knew.
Consecrated now to the winds that blow through the empty house, once our dream castle and temple anew.
Let the star-twinkling light that has carried us on this journey without a human face.
Be remembered as both blessing and bounty of heaven’s true grace.
For as we receive today’s gift without ribbons, an uneasy package to unwrap.
Pulling out the last vestiges of dreams and longings, like draining tree blood and sucking out sap.

Photo: Kristina Flour

As the dust flies into the ethers now, the end of this story filled with betrayal and lies, that breaks my heart in two.
Love’s lost labour, like thorns tearing flesh at memories of you.
You were my best friend, my lover, my beloved, my husband and guide.
Hollow words were spoken, for, in the end, you could not walk by my side.
Time to release more fully, knowing our earthly work here is done.
Time for the moon to come out from the eclipse of the radiant, bountiful sun.
Let the wisdom of a love well-lived be sustenance for the dreams that lie ahead.
The meetings of future lovers and beloveds lying together on the rose-petalled bed.
For what is felt deeply within the heart is never lost, but transformed into sacred healing balm,
As the balance of the ages is restored now and passion’s stormy winds soon become calm.
Love eclipsed is bittersweet for I have loved you for a lifetime, even though my heart has long whispered our story is at its close,

We are no longer two together, but separate now as we return to orbit around the sun and repose.

I have been afraid to listen, to trust the parting for it has cut so very deep,

Into my knowing and intuition and night-time as in my dreams do you still appear and sleep.

As we return to the earth an unbreakable bond dissolved between earth below and heavenly sky,

May we each find comfort in the longings and murmurings of soul’s fire as we dare again to fly.

When all is said and done, as we return to the womb of the Great Mother, cosmos defined,

In her heart’s chamber does true love and longing eternally reside.

For lovers of love and lovers lost, everywhere.